How to subtly insult people and get away with it [ UPDATED! February 2014 ]

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I have found that advertisers have finally picked up on some phrases that I discovered well over 30 years ago. These are ways to subtly insult someone, or denigrate them or disparage their achievements, and get away with it.                                                             


1.) In 1980 the famed actor and movie star Jimmy Cagney was asked what he thought of President Jimmy Carter. "He tries," said Cagney, "he tries." Now, aint that a wonderful way to put someone down? "He tries". The implication is that he tries but doesn't succeed. He tries and fails. Talk about damning someone with faint praise. Yet nobody could sue you for saying, "He tries." It's a true statement, after all. All successful people "try". Yet saying, "you tried" implies both that you didn't succeed and also that nobody really expects too much from you. You tried.                                   
   2.) I heard Clint Eastwood say this in his address to the Republican Party convention 2012: "They're not always hotdogging it." Now there's an expression you can use to denigrate anyone's accomplishments. "You're hotdogging it!" For example, a hypothetical: Somebody beats you in a foot race. This runner crosses the finish line first, well ahead of you. Instead of being polite and congratulating him/her for winning the race, you say, "s/he is always HOTDOGGING IT." Admittedly, that is an extreme example. It works better with more minor accomplishments, e.g., someone does the dishes you left in the sink. So you say, " I could have done the dishes myself; you're always HOTDOGGING IT." This is also a good excuse for your own failures. Why didn't you get good grades in school? Answer: "I wasn't hotdogging it."                                                                                                                                                                  
    3.) Use the word "even" to subtly insult people. I got this from the book "The MacIntosh Way" by the brilliant Guy Kawasaki. [NOTE: This is NOT plagiarism as I have attributed my source and cited the originator of this insight: Mr. Guy Kawasaki. I have quoted with attribution and given credit where it is due.] You can use the word "even" to make a trivial lapse sound like a grave offense. An example: "He didn't EVEN take out the garbage." "He didn't EVEN fill the gas tank." Again, these are minor offenses but by inserting the word "even" it makes them sound like major crimes.           
               a.)  A subset would be to use the word "yet" which is, in some ways, similar to "even." For example, "He has yet to master the basic grammar of Spanish."  This implies that there is something wrong with the student. He can't figure things out and is none too smart.  Using "yet" as a variant of "even" allows you to not over-use the word "even."                                                                             
    4.) Use the phrase "good sport." The phrase "good sport" implies that the subject is a loveable loser who everybody picks on but who stoically accepts it because it is just his lot in life. Example: "Well, Sean, it was nice having you in class and you've been a good sport." Calling someone a "good sport" implies that s/he is a LOSER because you don't call someone who just won the Super Bowl a "good sport."                                                                                   
    5.) Another way to get away with a put down is to use the word "opportunistic" or call someone "an opportunist." After all, everyone is looking for an opportunity; it is not false or defamatory to say someone is "an opportunist". Just ask them under oath, "Would you seek out a good opportunity? You would? Well then, you're an opportunist!" The word connotes undue ambition and a certain grasping, grabbing quality.                            
    6.) I've added another one: use the word "unironically." Note, I said, "UN-ironically" not "ironically". I got the word "unironically" from the novel "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace. Using "unironically" is a sly way to take back a compliment. For example, you could say, "That's a very good looking necktie you're wearing, and I mean that unironically." [The necktie wearer thinks to himself/herself, "Wait a minute. What's IRONIC about saying my neckite looks good?"]  Or another example, "You know, you're a very intelligent man, and I mean that UNironically." Again, what's ironic in the first place about calling someone intelligent? It slyly takes back the compliment. One can go on and on: "You're a good writer, and I mean that unironically"; "you're looking quite svelte, and I mean that unironically",  etc.
  7.)  Here's another:  When someone tells you where s/he lives, you respond with the question, "Oh, is that because of your work?"  The implication is that nobody would willfully live in such a lousy neighborhood unless s/he absolutely had to.  Hence, you are subtly insulting them (and getting away with it!) by implying they live in a lousy neighborhood. If one lives in a really nice neighborhood, like Beverly Hills or Malibu, you would never say s/he lived there only because they had no other choice.  But with some other place, asking, "Oh, do you live there because of your work?" implies that nobody would want to live there unless their work demanded it.

Franco Zeffirelli --- a friend of both Magnani & Callas

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A salute to the immensely talented director Franco Zeffirelli. Any man who was friends with both the great Anna Magnani and Maria Callas is indeed a marvelous man. Ti saluto, Honorevole Zeffirelli!

Politicians, especially the U.S. President, should NOT play golf

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Yes, I know, Dwight Eisenhower played golf and he was a popular President. But Ike was tolerated because he was an old guy and had done heroic service in W.W.II . Still, even Ike had the whole "golf thing" hurt him; JFK came in and essentially called Eisenhower and old duffer. "The torch has been passed to a new generation, born in this century . . ." Get it? I'm young and virile, said JFK, not an old duffer like Ike. Golf is not a sport for any politician to be seen playing. Dan Quayle was photographed in his golf duds for a magazine and it made him look like the quintessential country-club elitist. George W. Bush didn't help his reputation playing golf. Presidents (really ALL politicians) should bowl, or play basketball. These are macho, "everyman" sports. Even horseback riding is OK. A man on horseback, ironically, doesn't look elitist in the USA. It looks like you're a "cowboy" and you got that whole "John Wayne" image going for you. Ronald Reagan routinely was seen riding horses and it made him look great. Also, don't jog. Jimmy Carter, as President, was photographed panting for breath and looking sick as a dog while jogging. Looks bad. Don't wind-surf. Candidate John Kerry did and he never lived it down. Bowl! Ride a horse like a cowboy! If the horse throws you, get right back on the horse and everyone cheers and says how brave you are to get back on the horse. Shoot hoops on the local playground. Another great sport is simply playing catch with a baseball and baseball gloves. Think Steve McQueen in the "Great Escape" with his baseball and glove. You play catch with your son or daughter and you look like a loving parent. But NO GOLF !!! Barack, I hope you're listening.

I saw Woody Allen in one of his last stand up engagements

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True story: Shortly after he made "Everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" Woody Allen performed in a theater of the round in the San Fernando Valley in L.A. County. The "opening act" was Jim Croce -- I put "opening act" in quotation marks because for some strange reason there was a delay that night and Croce actually went on second. Allen was terrific and took questions from the audience. But what I remember most was this bit he did with a little piece of lint on his jacket. You have to picture the scene: Woody Allen is alone on stage and it's a theater in the round. There is just a single spotlight on him; the rest of the theater is dark. Now, when there is just one spotlight it tends to light up the dust around the person and you can see stuff floating in the air. In the midst of his act, Woody plucks a small string -- a piece of lint -- from his jacket and flicks it in the air. The lint is floating in the air. Woody then tells a joke and the audience laughs. When the audience laughs, the air from the audience laughter causes the lint to jump up in the air ! After a couple of more jokes the audience notices this lint which is still hanging in the air. With each burst of laughter the lint dances higher and higher! Soon everyone is laughing twice: once for the Woody Allen punchline and then again when we all see the lint jump up higher in the air. After each burst of laughter, the lint jumps up! Then when we see the lint jump up, we laugh again and the lint jumps a second time ! It seemed that Woody kept this piece of lint dancing and jumping in the air for twenty minutes! True story.

Teachers are great! Stop evaluating them.

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Old European saying, "If they are roses, they will bloom." The idea is that if you have talent, it will show itself. I go further: If you are smart, you won't be kept ignorant for long.

So why are teachers the "whipping boy" for all politicians? Blame the students for not trying. If you don't have talent you won't make it. So try harder. Stop blaming someone else.

By the way, what's the point of all this dumb evaluation? The late Steve Jobs didn't get "evaluated" by someone (except the marketplace). If it was left to his employees, they might have given him a bad evaluation because he tended to yell and pressure folks (that's maybe why he was a success). He was his own boss and did what he wanted. Same with all the other billionaires. They weren't evaluated.

Be your own boss. Get out of teaching; you can't ever please these folks. Everyone --parents, principals, students -- is your boss as a teacher. Everyone, including the President of the U.S., feels they know how to do your job and has the right to criticize you. I admire the Teamsters. Nobody pushes the Teamsters around. Nobody "evaluates" them. They just are left to do their jobs. Don't trust the "Dilbert-like" boss to evaluate you.

To those who stick with teaching, I admire you. All teachers are good teachers. They're the ones doing the real work. Not their critics.